During the past two weeks, I’ve had more than once the opportunity to go eat at the restaurant. Planning on seeing the latest Star Wars movie and eating out while we were at it, Mothers Day, a friend moving to another area and throwing a “farewell dinner”, birthday party… No need to say that it’s hard to avoid such situations, both for the social conventions and simply because, well, I like being with these people, after all. It made me realize a little thing, though: all of us, regardless of age, sex and weight, made me feel like we were pigging out rather than eating.
Where did this attitude come from? I have no idea. Perhaps it is a reflex from times of old, when social gatherings like these were an opportunity that wouldn’t happen often, thus everybody tried to really take advantage of it. Which is totally unjustified today, of course, but I guess we just can’t get rid of such behaviors that easily. It becomes a problem for me in that it does happen fairly often - even “once a week only” is a problem, if it means eating too much and in a very bad way.
So, after the winter months when we wouldn’t get out that often, I’ve realized how hard it was, to eat “on plan”, or at least “not eat too much”, when everyone around is doing exactly this, ordering pizzas, ordering full meals complete with entrée, cheese and dessert. I’ve also realized that if I was to eat like this, it’d be by forcing myself; I am absolutely not used to eating “a complete French meal”, either I’ll take entrée and main dish, or main dish and cheese, but I usually don’t have room for more. However, when it comes to dishes I really like and shouldn’t eat, such as pizza, indeed, seeing other people eat it in front of me sort of gives me a leeway to shut the voice of reason off and tell myself “if THEY eat it today, I can also allow myself one!”. It’s not small portions, either… another problem.
In a way, even though I’ve given away to the “traditional meal” as well, these observations are something important to me - when I understand why I do a certain thing, it gets easier to not do it anymore, or at least not so often. I’ve now realized how sensitive I still am regarding what’s socially accepted or not, how vulnerable I am to “herd behaviors”, how easily my resolutions can get shifted if there’s an all-made excuse like this getting in the way. There is some things in this that I can control - not ordering the fattening foods, still sticking to meat and vegetables even if everyone else takes on French fries… Some other things are a little harder socially-wise - not finishing my plate at the restaurant if I’m not hungry anymore always seems rude no matter what. I may not have the choice much with this one, though; rude will I be, if it means keeping my weight in control.
In the meantime, I’ve taken a step backwards regarding weight loss… yet what I’ve learnt from it will certainly allow me to take two steps forward in turn.
- Kery
