Color Me Fit: weight loss, fitness, exercise

It’s not unexpected news that things haven’t been going terribly well in the past few months. One indication of this, for starters, was that I didn’t post as often as I used to, and even though November was a full month, and December the usual stressfest in preparation for Christmas, I’m sure that had I really wanted to, I could have posted more.

Anyway.

I’m not exactly sure of what road I should go, these days. I want to get kicking in again, I want to resume the weight loss. I don’t want to lay down my arms and claim that I’ll never do it, and I also don’t want to resort to too many of these tricks that, while being efficient, are still things I do automatically but don’t “integrate” as having to be part of my life and of myself until the end. Take the food logs, for instance. The idea is great, and I regularly come back to it, but it just doesn’t work for me. I end up bored, and as soon as I stop/forget writing in them, I revert back to the old, bad habits. Why is this? Why can’t I learn to eat well without relying on such a crutch?

I need to go back to a deeper analysis regarding my behaviors. I know I can take good starts by following a “method”, but after a few weeks or a few months at best, I get bored, annoyed, whatever, and I just drop it. There’s no way I want to go into the circle of yo-yo dieting, nor to simply give up. There must be a way for me to learn how to do all that properly, without having to resort to boring food logs or to the pathetic “if I lose a pound this week, then I’m allowed to go to the hair-dresser”. (Yes, this is in a way pathetic: why should I wait to be thinner to allow myself the “treat” of being elegant? Screw this. The only message it sends me is that being fat means that I don’t have the right to be pretty/do anything for myself, and this is lame and unencouraging. I don’t need to add that to my regular problems of self-esteem.)

Maybe I’m committing a mistake here, but for the upcoming weeks, I’m going to try something else. Forget the “methods” and dissociating foods. The only thing I’m willing to keep is the whole GI index thing, because I really agree with the fact that eating whole grains and such can only be better than eating processed food—no need to be a genius to realize that. In the end, it really goes down to common sense, not to methods. In the end, it’s all about eating better foods, eating less, and exercising more: I know it, we know it, everybody knows it, in their heart of hearts. The only difference is that I don’t integrate the idea. I don’t accept it. I pretend, I fool myself, I think I’ve accepted and understood it fully, but it’s not true.

And until this is true, the only thing left will be following methods, which will likely send me back to failure sooner or later.

I want to question myself, to go further than that. I need to open my eyes more than what they already are. Then only will I be able, one day, to get my own satori when it comes to eating and becoming thin.

diet, eating, methods, weight loss