Or should I write “collapse”, because I have the feeling that this word is more appropriate for once.
So yeah, I know I’ve written about how lapsing isn’t the end of it all, that it’s not a reason to give up, blah-de-blah. I know it’s the truth, and I know I’m not giving up, but these days, things have grow to be incredibly hard, and I’m really not sure why.
It’s not that I’m feeling lazy and prefer spend time watching TV instead of exercising. It’s not like I go into full-blown binges to “fill myself with food”—if I happen to eat too much, I at least manage to enjoy the food, which is already a good thing. It’s just that… i’ve gone into a “out-of-control” mode, and getting out of it has proven to be pretty hard. I’ll do things right on breakfast, then wrong at lunch; I’ll have a normal-sized dinner, but the next day breakfast ends up in hell. I’d like to blame the proximity of the bakery and of its excellent little hot buns, but the truth is, this bakery has been here for the past months as well, and if I choose to go there and buy some in the morning, it’s my own damn choice, and nobody else’s.
The thing that is really hard to bear is that it’s not especially about cravings. The truth is that I’ve been feeling ravenous for many days during the past two weeks, very likely because of the constant temperature variations we’ve been having—one day it’s a whopping 35°C outside, the next day it’s barely a meager 20°C, and my body has always had a hard time adjusting to this. Heat, I can do with. Cold, I can do with. yo-yo, I can’t. So, well, when you eat a full plate of pasta, with the whole “take your time and chew slowly” attitude, and gets a growling stomach barely one hour after… yeah, it’s hard. And to be honest, at 4 pm when working on the laptop, I don’t feel like cooking some “healthy stuff”. I’ve tried apples, who used to be a good thing: they now only make it worse, increasing my appetite. Go to Hell, apples! You’re delicious before a meal, but after, you’re making me feel even hungrier. The heck if I understand why!
What conforts me in all of this, however, is that once collapsed, I can’t go further than that, and I can only get back on my feet to start working on things again.
I wish I was able to point out a precise reason, though, except for the weather itself (which isn’t something I can do anything against, or at least I doubt it). I wish it was as simple as realizing that “I’m eating because I’m bored, thus I must go have a walk every day at my danger hours”. This I could do. This I could be made aware of.
Let’s just hope that I can gather my wits in time, before gaining on too much weight. Let’s also hope that going through the shame and anger of admitting this online will strengthen my resolve. Right now, it’s sure not easy to write about it right…
- Kery
August 12th, 2005 at 14:29
I understand your pain.. I think that the weather plays a huge part in my yo yo as well … I can’t seem to make myself want to go out and exercise (walk, run or anything for that matter) if it is dripping hot out.. So that kills the thought of finding an activity that will keep my mind off of the refrigerator or the snack machine.
I have found cleaning my house helps.
I am at work during the day so I try to make my trips past the snack machine a bathroom run/water run and when I am home after work I find that if I clean my house one chore a day right before dinner. I am fine until dinner. As for getting hungry a little while after dinner I found if I save my dinner dishes until then I am able to occupy my time.:)
Good luck
August 12th, 2005 at 14:38
I wish I had an answer but I’m here for you. I have faith. We all have hard times.
August 12th, 2005 at 16:57
Oh yes, Varitekchic, keeping away from the refrigerator has proved to be a hard task these days! The housework thing may be a good trick, in fact–at least this way things get done without looking too much like a chore.
Muse - Thanks a lot for your support!