If you’re easily vexed by people putting other people’s noses in their own crap, please don’t read this entry, for I might very well come up like I’m doing exactly that in it.
I’ve been thinking too much again, and the question of the day is: when we say “it’s time to stop whining and actually DO something about all that extra weight” (yeah, well, ALL of us have found excuses and whined and whined at some point, right?), why is it so regularly assumed that we don’t know what we’re talking about, and/or that we have never had to battle with our weight–therefore immediately dismissing us as “you’re an ass who’re only here to spout crap”?
Because THAT is a standard answer, that I’ve seen on many blogs/forums/sites, and not only in English, given to people (myself included) who one day dared state the truth, in as polite a way as was possible: that only us can change our lives, and that there’s no point in only crying about it.
Alright, I admit that as far as I’m concerned, I have a very poor opinion of the human breed as a whole. Generally speaking, and until shown otherwise, of course, the basic human being for me is just a whiner who wants everything, right now, without any effort, and can you pour it directly in my mouth and chew it for me while you’re at it? kthxbye. I’m not exactly what you could call a philanthropist.
Well. So you can whine aboutweight problems and all. Not a problem here. God knows I am a whiner too! It’s one of my methods of letting the stress out so that I can tackle the problems more efficiently once the heated feelings are out of my way. What I can’t stand is this: bitching, moaning, crying, then proceeding to twiddle my thumbs and not do a damn thing about it, not even try to find solutions. It’s worth for me, and I apply it to everyone else (not only in the weight loss area). Therefore it makes sense that whining “woe is me, diet programs are so expensive, my genes are bad, it’s so unfair, blah-de-blah” tends to irk me after a while. I feel like shaking people to help them wake up and act, instead of wasting their time.
I’m quite sure I’m not the only one in this case.
However, because we’re irked doesn’t mean we don’t and can’t understand. Perhaps we understand all the better because we’ve been here as well, and have seen first-hand how many wrong and silly excuses a person (read: we did it first!) can come up with to justify not doing anything! You know them as well, I’m sure. Whoever has never come up with something to the extent of “I can’t exercise because it’ll make me a little sweaty before my evening shower” raise the hand. I’ve heard far worse than that. I’ve said far worse than that.
(I will also add that I don’t mean by this people who’ve tried and tried and not found yet the method that works for them, or suffer from a medical condition, or can’t exercise due to a wound and are therefore slowed down. I just mean the classic whine & cheese we can so easily find on the world wide web. And I also mean, of course, commenting on such things in a polite way, not in a rude, condescending, whatever-else-negative manner. But, it’s a fact, you can only sugarcoat “now the time of whining is past, it’s time to act” that much.)
Okay. I’m aware that I may come as intolerant at times. My wording isn’t always the best thing in the world, and if I appear rude, then I apologize in advance about it. I try not to be, I promise, especially when I’m not writing on my own blog–here I don’t mind as much if I’m being a little blunt. But truth be told, after years of “I don’t understand, I can’t seem to lose weight” while being perfectly aware in my heart of hearts that I hadn’t done even a little bit of what it took to lose it, I now get a little impatient. Because I know the mechanisms of self-deception, of laziness, of wrong excuses, of not wanting to walk that extra step to the supermarket, of whatever else might become an impediment to weight loss. Because I’ve gone through them myself. Because I’m one of those human beings who can easily become Queen Procrastination, and have to fight with themselves on that point. With the amount of resources we can access through a tool as simple as internet, I cannot believe that some of us still believe there is nothing we can do unless it is part of an expensive program or involves flying to the moon or something.
And when I hint at, in my very French way, “having to get your fingers out of your ass at last” (I seldom directly word it this way, no worries), it applies to myself first, the same way it has applied to me two years ago, and will go on applying until the end. It hasn’t been easier for me than for anyone else. Right now? I am battling with being half-sick because I’ve really eaten too much (so much for ‘being perfect and having it easy and never having had weight & food-related problems’, huh). It hasn’t been uber-easy for anyone involved. If it has for you, er, kudos, good job, and I’m happy for you! (No, really, I am; you’re damn lucky, too.) It just doesn’t go that way for most of us. So we do know, alright?
I still believe that whether we bring positive changes or not is up to us first and foremost. And that sharing the burden doesn’t mean we have to ‘be too understanding’ and close our eyes just because… because what? Who will this be useful to? For instance, I understand that studying linguistics at school is hard, but I also know that we all have to read about it and learn our lessons to do well at the exam, so go get your ass into gear and fight, we’re both in the same boat. (Yes, I’ve actually said that to a fellow student, and she doesn’t hate me.)
But I’m just tired to be told that I don’t know and don’t understand what it is to be overweight as soon as I dare to say “yes, but you can do something about it” (more on the internet than in real life, because if you can actually see me, then you can also see that I’m ‘normal’, but not a ‘featherweight’ either). Because I know. And why would knowing and having been through it entail smiling silently and nodding and giving the “yes, poor darling” treatment, when I wouldn’t do it in any other area?
It’s because we know that at times, we say “it’s time to act now, you can do it!”: it took us years sometimes to come to our senses, and we simply wish to point it out, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, this could help someone else come to their senses too and take the path of change now, instead of in five years only.
Not out of condescendence. Only because we know it sucks, and don’t see any point of witnessing someone else drown in all that crap if there’s a chance that one word, one sentence, may help them.
***Feel free to flame away if you wish. I’m sure that sooner or later, someone is bound to read this, who will think I’m a complete ass.***
