I’m sitting in front of my laptop, trying to focus on my work. It’s been a good two hours that I’ve been battling almost every minute with a stupid craving for bretzels and chocolate buns, and I swear, the damn desire won’t go away.
When I say I’m thinking of it so often, I’m really not exagerating. It’s plaguing me like mad this afternoon. I’m not even hungry, and I know that I’m not, as this is a signal I’ve learnt to recognize by now, after all these months spent “listening to my body”. Nope, definitely not hunger, not until now, at least. Just a stupid craving.
I’ve tried to eat an apple to calm the desire for sugar and munching. As usual, it made me hungry. Apples are really NOT healthy snacks for me, given how they curb my appetite, even when I wasn’t especially hungry. I should learn, in the end; one day, I’ll do. I’m trying to fill myself with tea to help. In all honesty, this is just bullshit; no miracle cup of tea or “healthy snack” will ever take care of a craving, since these may be efficient against the hunger of the stomach, not the one of the mind. Whoever spits out this crap about “drink water and it’ll pass” clearly never had to face REAL cravings. This isn’t about logics. If it were, I could fight it easily. Skewed logics, perhaps, with the usual stupid excuses to go and give in, but certainly not… well, not logical, not rational, not normal.
Resisting is pretty hard. If I go out, right here, through the door-window in my “office”, I have to walk for only two minutes before reaching the drugstore. My wallet is in the other room, I can easily grab it. I have money in it, too, no need to go to the ATM to get some. I wouldn’t be away for work for very long, sure nobody would phone during that time, and I’d just have to go out for a few minutes, indeed, to grab the bretzels and buns. This is the bane of working from home while trying to lose weight—there isn’t any boss nor colleagues to look at me askance if I am to leave the office to go out and buy some snack, or even grab something in the fridge/the vending-machine.
See, see! how the mind is trying to rationalize? It tells me that once satisfied, I could focus on my work, that everything would be well and perfect in the world, that I wouldn’t have to battle like this. Yes, it would be easy… very easy. So easy.
Now, one may say “if really you crave it that much, go and buy it, at least it’ll make it pass”. The problem is that it’s exactly what I’ve been doing in the past weeks, and well, it doesn’t improve my waistline. I can’t go on like this, right? Right. I can’t, and I’m not. The hell if I am to screw all my efforts during the fall and winter months, and having to start from scratch comes January.
Thus, here I am, writing this in the hopes that it’ll keep me busy for ten more minutes, that analyzing the mental schema behind all of this will fuel my determination to resist. Sure, I’m not exactly working while writing this, and I’ll have to stay on the laptop for a little longer today to compensate for this.
It’s almost 5 pm, and then dinner won’t be far anymore, and I can lure my mind into thinking that it’ll be fed “soon”. Right now, I feel like swearing and breaking stuff. I don’t want to give up, as I know I’ll then go out of control. I am NOT going out of control. Damned if I do.
Why the hell do I have to have such problems with food, I wonder.
August 22nd, 2005 at 22:04
Kery. Can I ask you a question? I’m not going to tell you to drink more water or a plate full of vegetables (your jaw will give out before your appetite does!).
How often do you eat in a day? I’m just interested. When you do snack- what do you eat (and yes apples have that effect on me too). I’m not going to pass judgment or give unsolicited advice
August 24th, 2005 at 13:40
Hi Kery
This is the first time I read your blog. First of all, congrats for your effort, you’ve achieved amazing things. You’ve been dieting for quite some time now, so I think that by these cravings your body is asking you for more food. I’m quite familiar with the situation you’re describing here but I’m not familiar with the nutrition program you’ve been following, so this advice may be redundant. Anyway, for what is worth, your snacks will be more filling if you combine carbs, protein and fat. An apple on its own is just carbs - very easy to digest - and it will soon make you hungrier. If you have it with some low fat cheese, for example, it will fill you up for longer. Don’t beat up yourself for succumbing to your cravings. It’s OK and you deserve a treat. I know it’s easy to overdo it though, so my advice here would be to have these treats when you’re not alone. If your friend or your partner is with you, you will be able to keep it under control, and you will enjoy it more. That’s all for now!
August 25th, 2005 at 16:26
Jim, I eat 3 times a day (if I don’t, it’s because of heavy circumstances, such as being abducted by aliens or something ;)). As for snacks, it depends. I don’t eat snacks twice a day religiously, there can be weeks when I don’t eat one snack because I don’t feel hungry and don’t need it. Often I take this as an opportunity to eat fruits, such as frozen raspberries (I love that, it takes time to eat, and as it’s cold, I can’t styuff myself fast). I don’t trust myself with crackers or similar foods for snacks, and veggies… well, raw celeri at 4 pm is just yucky, I think *lol* So fruits are a good option, as long as they’re not of the kind that make me hungry, like apples.
August 25th, 2005 at 16:31
Hi Jo, and welcome to my blog!
Thanks for the suggestions, they may actually work… when I’m with other people, I’m indeed not tempted to eat too much (in fear of what they’ll think of me, but hey, whatever works in this case, I suppose…). I plan on trying the cheese thing; I noticed that when I eat breakfasts with cheese/ham/eggs etc, I’m way less hungry, and less fast, than when I eat crackers and low-sugar jam (or other carbs-laden meals). It can probably work the same way for afternoon snacks.
As for the “method” I follow, it’s a French one, based on glycemix index and not eating certain foods with others. Basically it comes down to not eating meat with pasta, but with vegetables (or pasta + vegetables), and avoiding foods with a high GI, so beer, potatoes and corn are out of the window (I won’t complain, they’re not what I prefer anyway). There’s much more to it, of course, but I’m not going to do a complete summary, it’d be long and boring here.
August 30th, 2005 at 13:51
Hey…oh boy are you and I on the same page. The last week or 2 I’ve been fairly good with binging on “dangerous” stuff but it always comes back. I dread it. My newest obsession is Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Shortcake. Although now my boyfriend LOVES it too and is addicted which only makes it harder (although helps finish the pint now). I wish I had tips..I don’t.
February 2nd, 2006 at 01:03
hey everyone, almost finished my 1st month of my 2006 diet. Phendimetrazine does control my appetite and I’ve lost 8lbs. On on the treadmill 5 days and walking the dog briskly at night.
November 1st, 2006 at 01:31
Nice…
It’s not a bug, it’s tradition!
…
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